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When the Sun Fell by `krissie:iconkrissie:



the sun sets behind you; look -
a shadow falls and your arms drop.
two hundred yards and jagged peaks sneak
ever closer to your outlined shape
the death, my dear. its teeth filed.

red dirt and footsteps swallowed
by a greedy road, the endless snake
like you, my dear. blind as you.

you were bared on that path,
a distraction, toes dug in the soil.
i cry when i see knotted hair, torn dresses, you
cocking an ear at birds crooning ahead
one round for tomorrow the past.

all my lovers have blue eyes.

mud-people writhe before lying skies
i cannot think when my body’s this loud
there is dust in my eyes, sepia hair
blown around, blinds for the dusky haze.
one round for the dice; turn me into the wind.

i don’t know how to show you this colour, my dear.
this haphazard orange. this murky glow, teeth bared.

not quite a sundown, not quite a day. less gray.
©2006-2009 `krissie
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Submitted: September 18, 2006
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Comments: 16
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Author's Comments

I really should figure out the categories. Possibly.

Wrote this, edited a few times, 'tis still fairly rough but critique would be lovely. Or, y'know, whatever you want.

This may or may not be about a crash. Up to you - as always.
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I do enjoy the way you paint with words.

--
Keight
==
"There aint no such thing as a free lunch." - R. A. Heinlein
I enjoyed reading this one a lot. To me it is a strangely haunting yet soothing piece. I do like your writing.
I really like the patterns you work with, it really brings this piece together. Beautiful, keep it up!

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I'd turn gay for @Vlei.
glad you enjoyed, dear. thank you so much!

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NP. :O

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I'd turn gay for @Vlei.
It carries the mood exellently and the combined images carry you through disovery of the spooky landscape. It's well written, with a generally good flow. I don't know about the line, 'all my lovers have blue eyes', maybe if it was in with another stanza, but It just jarred a bit with me and isn't really necesarry to the rest of the piece. I really like it though
thanks - and for the watch also.

the lovers/blue eyes... it is significant but possibly i didn't pull it off well enough. will think it over!

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