only critique i have is that after
''stormbound'' there should be a comma

this is really beautiful

--
^{Love is my favorite food.}

The nomad stanza didn't do anything for me. The rest seemed connected and interesting (not that the nomad part isn't interesting, it just didn't add anything for me, and I felt it threw me off).

--
My devname rhymes with merry.

"Poetry should surprise by a fine excess ... should strike the Reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts, and appear almost a remembrance."-John Keats

Want my stock? ~flaerystock

I love this piece, glad 'someone' convinced you to post it

Anyway, upon first read, the only thing I can suggest is in the first stanza;

"waterfalled from your skin" sounds okay, but I think it would be better to say,
"waterfallen from your skin" this give it a nice sense of movement, to me at least.

Lovely as always!

--
~litNEWS, help us keep you informed.

may Beelzebub's scrotum rest firmly on your chin

oh girl.. i almost cried it's so beautiful.

--
subliminal confetti





Brandy Lynne

i am with msjames in regards to the "waterfallen" proposition.

this is one's weak:

forgot to stop looking for you
forgot to stop, to love, to leave
forgot to stand, to run, to close my eyes -

but you might know that already.
i seriously can't help but +fav this for i have fallen in love with it even when i read it the first time. and love would include acceptance of minor flaws as well. oh my. the sun for you and this here, lady.

--
the sky
to night's last city

you're getting in the way of your own greatness here. if 'dawn [itself] had no name' why should the subject of this poem have been so prominent as to even exist as it does herein? ...that's my question. in other words, scrap all this first person "verifying" and cut to the details of this exquisite chase. emotions like these, if they're sincere, have no label, no subject—they take over from whence not one of us can determine (as, herein, you—as writer—begin to reveal). if you (whom I, personally, don't really know that well) were to 'become liquified' (which certainly reveals nothing more substantial to me than I already, personally, know about you as a subject), why should I care? ...especially when, subsequently, "violin sounds" are being breathed "into newborn eyes" and dawn itself has lost its name. and what exactly are you trying to convey by telling me that you have become "stormbound"? (I suspect that even if you explain the latter concept to me, I will nevertheless remain unconvinced that such pseudo-holistic nonsense ever, in any real or significant manner, possessed your being as you seem to wish to claim herein. you seem to be reaching in this case; this portmanteau word conveys an incomplete, insincere feeling—thus, it's the wrong word...it's as if you borrowed it from somewhere else simply because it sounded cool.)

I suppose all of this is a (perhaps harsh but necessary) way of telling you to stop "confessing" in this manner or else heed the following principle: in writing at least, the only "sincere," meaningful confessions are those which are thoroughly conducive to the subject's (that is, confessor's as well as hearer's) disappearance within the confession itself, at one point or another and in one way or another. for, in art as in reality itself, "absolution" (of any nature) can only begin at the moment when the "self" is transcended. all else is a "specialized" form of rather frivolous drama.

now, forgive me, if I felt my freedom to any excess within this comment.

--
"For a self-absorbed and brooding mind, pain itself is an anodyne."—Huxley

I really like the rhythms and gentle assonances in this piece - lines like "time birched in a tree, swinging feet" and "scanned the fjords/shallow water".

The last couple of lines seem to me a little cliched.

Nice work! And I'm sure once you've worked on it some more it will be even better.

N

I'd change the "became"'s to "become"'s and make slight changes throughout to make it more of an act-in-motion piece. Some areas are screaming for that instead of the past tense.

Some very beautiful lines here, and there are a few tippy-toe cliche's as pointed out above. That's the hard part about this genre, oui?

--
Breaking entering
The dark and lonely places
Finding a big gun

I think the tenses do need to be changed as well, nice call.

--
~litNEWS, help us keep you informed.

may Beelzebub's scrotum rest firmly on your chin