ooo the ending is good.
i honestly can't offer up any real critiques other than i'd like there to have been just a tad more beef to the midsection of this.
and by tad i mean tad.

good work though m'lady.

--
it's the beginning of the song god forgot to write.

i added a tad gonna go over it again tomorrow and see how it looks then. thanks babe.

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+ thehungersite.com
+ suture | artists for charity | 2envision

you are my queen. Its nice to see inspiration is coming along again and makes you write those heart candy sweetness. I, either, do not have any critics to offer here. You left me ophean of words.

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Enter the realm...

I don't have anything interesting to say . . . I just like how you did all of these little mentions of time in it. I like how you insert a bunch of one idea into every corner of your pieces. It's not overkill, just intriguing.

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I adopted ~djthedj and ~ wanderingjizo through ~daac, and I unofficially adopted ~ Ariga.

Are you *featureD?

I am a ~phoenixproject supporter.

i always end up reading your work before bed, i should invest in some daytime commenting sometime eh? i wish i could critique this but i know nothing of writing, but yea..i'm still reading your stuff so that should count for something.

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This is food for thought, you do the dishes.

it does count. thank you.

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+ thehungersite.com
+ suture | artists for charity | 2envision

now thats an enticeing piece! I haven't read anything that nice in a while. I cant see anything that needs changing, so for once I am simply in awe Great piece...quite inspiring!

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Live life to the fullest! VIVA LA RESISTANCE! A La Fin to the max!

Goddamn the opening and closing stanzas were too good.
This totally fits with my On The Road/Tom Waits/Bob Dylan mindset at the minute.
I have nothing to add I'm just going to bask in it a few more times.

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"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."

drink a bottle of sour words

I didn’t really like this line, I liked the metaphor before hand, but this one didn’t work quite so well for me. I found that there was perhaps one too many metaphors in this first stanza, detracting from each one. They were all good, don’t get me wrong, but you know “too many cooks spoil the broth”.

as I run my hand along a minute, / it feels like leather, worn from use

I love those lines, the metaphor is very well done, with a good, solid lead up.

an ambiguous train station up north - I like that too

while snow raced horizontal doors - absolutely beautiful

Stanza three – there is good continuity from the previous stanza into this one

in a muddy puddle behind my temples
that ache now

I found these lines messy, the word “that” didn’t seem right, in the technical sense.

no oaky aftertaste, / it was the same dreaded flavour / of questions pending in-between

I love that line, I think this is my favourite line in this poem.

I grow up again in every mile / between me and yesterday’s train

This works so well as a final line in this poem. It is slightly clichéd, but in regard of the rest of the poem, there is no other line that would be more suitable.

I read this poem over a couple of days, and I must say that it grew on me. I love the overall tone of it, you have a calming sense in that which you write, and you write personal poetry so well without being angsty at all. I am trying to learn how to do that, and have found it very difficult, so I admire you greatly for being able to write as you do. The overall link of the train was very well done as well. You also bring an essence of individuality to it in your imagery (which is distinct and lovely), through your originality in description. I guess it is also lovely to see the progression in this, the underlying change in the character, gives it such a lovely personal and engaging touch.

I will this one not just because I love it, but also because it is such a good example of personal poetry being good. Thank you

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Days of wine and roses, days of wine and roses
All the artists flew in and all the arseholes flew out in '72


<`MinorKey> and don't drink so much that you remember having fun...

I wouldn't change a thing about this Krissie, it's just perfect.
As always, great imagery, but there's a great sense of rhythm in this too.

Basically, you rock babe!

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100% Irish!

You ask a mare, tell a gelding and consult with a stallion

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes-Oscar Wilde