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Morning by `krissie:iconkrissie:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


Steam rises.

A hive of bees in my wake
hums like you, awkwardly close.
I happen.
You surpass.
I am grass, rarely cut.  I hold trees
in my wet, leaning embrace, crying dew
when morning comes (what a relief).
Robins call me in hazy summer midmorning
pecking for a show.  Everything I inhale
passes lungs in a stream of longing
for your lean legs, morning stubble;
for your wicked, casual, windy smile.

You cut me, polish me, oh;
I am your post-coital memory.
©2005-2009 `krissie
:iconkrissie:

Author's Comments

It's about sex.

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:iconwyn--:
~Wyn-- Jul 26, 2005, 11:17:42 PM
Nice imagery, I enjoyed reading this :)

--
My chest is aching, it burns like a furnace. The burning keeps me alive - Byrne
:iconpseudophobe:
~pseudophobe Jul 27, 2005, 9:17:23 AM
very nice..."I hold trees / in my wet, leaning embrace, crying dew / when morning comes (what a relief)." (I especiallly liked that line.)
:iconneywon:
~neywon Jul 27, 2005, 4:33:36 PM
Wonderfully done. Love the imagery and the feelings it left behind in passing. Very well Written.
:iconflaery:
=flaery Jul 28, 2005, 6:57:19 AM
Sad, and in a haunting way.

--
I adopted ~wanderingjizo.

"Poetry should surprise by a fine excess ... should strike the Reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts, and appear almost a remembrance."-John Keats
:iconnonculture:
`nonculture Jul 30, 2005, 11:42:59 AM
Some great lines in this, but this is my fave:

when morning comes (what a relief).


that line is very multifaceted. Very nice. It also fits in rhythmically etc. perfectly.

"steam" rather than "dew" is interesting, because steam is a harsher word, but I did not see the rest of the piece as harsh in any way - I don't consider longing to be a harsh emotion. Though it is not usually happy, it still is tender in many ways. At the same time you chose "wicked" and "cut", which are also both harsh words...so maybe I'm overlooking something more underlying. Hmm.

--
---------------------
Breaking entering
The dark and lonely places
Finding a big gun
:iconkrissie:
`krissie Jul 30, 2005, 5:56:09 PM
you're right on the money, dear. the harshness is intended, yes... because morning can be seen as change, and change can be harsh. one of the ways you can interpret this poem is that morning cuts off the night. longing is mostly a soft emotion but it can be almost aggressive - a gnawing feeling. i s'pose i wanted this poem to be as open as possible.

thank you.

--
+ thehungersite.com
+ suture | artists for charity | 2envision
:iconnyasa:
~Nyasa Aug 2, 2005, 7:23:07 PM
Really good, especially for the short-space it occupies. The intro simile wiith its auditory appeal vivid is very attention getting. I don't have anything specific to say, just that it's enjoyable and unique, my favourite lines being the autometaphor:
"I am grass, rarely cut. I hold trees
in my wet, leaning embrace, crying dew"

--
"Angered wonder at the hollow confusion of another shapeless inamorata" -- ~DesertSiren
:iconcarissima82:
~carissima82 Aug 3, 2005, 12:49:13 PM
excellent use of "post-coital"

very interesting mesh of human and natural elements, involuntary and forced change.

good chicken.

--
when she walked, her knees cracked like a pick-up truck driving full-force over a deer carcass.
~stupidvagina
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